Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I have been avoiding my blog for a little while now. I apologize. I truly want to use this blog to provoke positive thoughts. I don't believe I can accomplish that when I can't even be positive thinking myself. But, here I am! I am feeling well enough to write again and can share what has been going on in my life.

As some of you know, I have something called social anxiety. Let me explain it a little more for you. Most people get nervous when they have to go in front of an audience or do something for a large group of people. This is not me. I have found over the years, my anxiety stems from social interaction on the most basic level. I struggle with one on one confrontation with people I don't know, sometimes even people I do know. Yes, I know a lot of people have a hard time with going up to someone new and just start talking but my nervousness goes beyond just that. One of the biggest things I struggle with is phone calls. I don't know what it is about calling someone but I just can't do it. Even if I know the person, I won't call. Even if I know the person calling, I won't answer. I also have a hard time going anywhere. I get anxious even when I know every person that will be at the place I am going. Sometimes I send myself into an anxiety attack but most days I pray hard and God gives me some peace to do what needs to be done.

These are just a few examples of what I deal with on a daily basis. Since I have kids now, the anxiety has gotten stronger. Especially now that I stay at home with the kids. I am now the responsible one that has to take care of my family and some days are just plain difficult. Sometimes I put off making a simple phone call for months at a time (which usually just gets me in trouble.)

Holiday season is now here and that proves to be the hardest time of the year for me. Please don't get me wrong. I love my family and friends! I love being able to see them and gather with them. However, to do so, sends me into an attack every time. Most people can't understand exactly what I deal with (or my husband deals with for that matter) and can't understand why. That's okay. I try and explain up front to new people I meet and sometimes I have to remind people that have been in my life for a long time about my anxiety.

This is also a good time to state that I try super hard not to use this as some sort of crutch either. I have a life and I will continue to do so. Let me also say, I put my hope in God. For He is the only one who has proven to give me relief and peace. From very early on, my husband and I decided that loading me up on medication was out of the question. So I have turned to prayer. When I feel an attack coming on, I stop and pray. I meditate on what God is trying to tell me in that moment. Also, I want to use my life for Him and how can I do that when I let my anxiety stop me from doing something that is God's will for me?

Want an example of how God works in my life? One day while coming out of a local grocery store, I could hear the Holy Spirit talk to me. I was pregnant with my third child and also had my youngest with me at the time. We were walking to our car and noticed a woman hunched over her car with the hood up. She looked like she needed help. Normally in a situation like this, I tend to stay clear, especially when I have my children and by myself. That's when I heard God telling me to ask this woman if she needed help. I tried to ignore it but knew I couldn't and knew I needed to obey. So I put my child in the car with the groceries and went over to ask the woman if she needed help. It took every bit of the Lord's strength for me to do that and believe that none of it was my own! Thankfully, she did not end up needing help (not that I would have be able to, as I lack in car skills) but I knew I had listened to my Lord.

Call me crazy (you probably just might) but I love the way the Lord uses me. Not every situation is easy. There have been plenty of tears shed out of fear and doubt in myself. But I never doubt my Lord! I know he has a plan for me and I intend on obeying. I often wonder, would I be able to continue my faith while being tortured or burned for what I believe in? I honestly hope that opportunity never comes. Instead, I will continue my small feats of over coming my anxiety to do God's will.

Today, I ask that you open your heart and mind to hear God speaking to you in your own life. What does He ask of you? What does He want for your life? Where does He want you to be? If you let Him, He will change your life!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I had a dream last night that put a little spark on my heart this morning. The dream wasn't really important so much as how the dream made me feel. It took me back to high school days. Not that I particularly had a difficult high school experience but the way I felt in high school was horrible most of the time. It wasn't until I met my husband I knew why. 

When I met my husband, we fell in love almost instantly (although we were very stubborn to admit it at the time!) From that moment on, I knew I would give that man my whole heart. Little did I know, he would give me his as well.

Sorry, I don't mean to get all mushy on you so suddenly but he was honestly the first person to ever love me the way he does. He was the first person to choose to love me through all my faults and failures. He chooses everyday to stand by my side and lift me up with unconditional love and support.

This is something I never felt in high school. I was always depressed on some sort of level and never really understood my purpose in life. I have always felt this way since I can remember. After the death of a close friend freshman year, I even tried to take my own life.

Actually, I tried to take my life again shortly after that. They had loaded me up on "happy" pills to correct my dis-functioning brain, so the bottle of prescription pills were so readily available to me. At that moment, I took a second to pray. I asked for Jesus to help me and give me a clear sign on what to do. I had always been a "fan" of Christ Jesus but let me tell you, this was the day Christ changed my life. I could NOT get that pill bottle open! It was a simple child-proof top just like any other, but greater forces beyond me was stopping my hand from opening that bottle! I told the Lord that day, that second, that I would follow Him the rest of my days and I would never try to take my life again. 

It wasn't an easy task after that. I switched to a Lutheran school and tried to fit in. Looking back now, I don't think I ever really did. On top of that I had gotten involved in bad relationships that seemed to be on repeat. Although I never tried to commit suicide again, I thought of it often. I could never shake the feeling that I had no purpose. Until I met my husband.

We met the summer of my graduation and within months I was pregnant with our first baby girl. Although this is a story in itself, I'm not going into any more detail about that now. A few weeks after my 19th birthday, I became a mommy! Between the love of my husband and that baby girl, I have found my purpose!

It's so funny how God puts people in your life when you least expect it. I never knew I could be loved like that until my husband and now, even more, loved like that from God! It is truly the most perfect feeling; a sense of being complete. That is why I dedicate my life to sharing the gospel of the Lord because it is truly through Jesus in which I was saved. I will keep serving Him with my life, as I will my husband.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Hi all!! Me again! Trying something new today and tried a video! Please don't mind the dark circles under my eyes and the lack of hair styling! haha! I hope you all enjoy it. Leave a comment of encouragement! Thanks : )

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Hi all! Welcome back to my blog! I've taken a week off from posting due to illnesses in the family. This past week we have dealt with a fussy baby that refused to nap, sore throats, body aches, and last but not least, my birthday girl got an ear infection! We had a few restless nights and lots of exhausted days. The kiddos went in today for a wellness check and everything seems to be going back to normal, which is really good for this momma! Since it was such a rough week, I have not been able to finish my book yet and the project has been put on hold for the moment.

Even though I haven't been able to start, Seven, I have continued with my donating. I even found a local woman who helps the homeless here in my hometown!I am finding I that I have a heart for helping out those that don't have as much as most.

While I think this is great, I want to do more! It has been so difficult with the kiddos to find time for everything my heart wants to do. I would love to start a ministry at my church for the needy but I am just finding it too difficult to juggle too much with these kids at home. Last week was a good example of that! Just when I felt like I had gotten stuff figured out, one gets sick and takes us all down with him! Now a week or so later, I am finally feeling back to par.

Since I have been so busy with the sick kiddos, we haven't gotten together to discuss the book yet and I feel like it has been put on the back burner for now. I hope you all are not too disappointed! I do, however, encourage you to keep reading your books at home and find things that you can do yourself!

Sorry this post is not as encouraging as I would like it to be, but please bare with me. Next week will be better! : )

Sunday, October 21, 2012


Today is my favorite day! Although it takes forever to get me and three kids ready for church in the morning, I LOVE this day! I love going to my church. I love seeing all the people at my church. I love a good sermon and great music. I love Sundays!

Also another plus, I got my book today! For those of you just tuning in, I am about to go on an amazing journey through the book, Seven, by Jen Hatmaker. I just sat down to get a little taste of the book this afternoon and let me tell you, I am terrified! In a good way, of course, but none the less, terrified!

The first month is food. She picks seven foods to eat for a whole month, with only a little salt, pepper, and olive oil! While her food choices look like wise ones, I am still terrified. I tend to really enjoy food, plus I am still nursing my 3 month old baby. Something that terrifies me more than my own food satisfaction, would be my milk supply taking a hit.

Anyone who has tried to nurse or has nursed (or has known any mother who has nursed,) should know that it is hard work! You have to consume a ton of calories to keep up a good supply for baby and keep up enough of your own body fat to supplement nutrients when needed. Any kind of diet change can alter breast milk and supply. Now let me take this time to state, I love to nurse! I think breastfeeding is one of the best bonding experiences a mother can have with their baby. I am in no way looking to quit any time soon. In fact, I plan on nursing till at least the first year of my baby's life.

So, I hope you can understand how truly terrifying this is for me. But I know that there are many mothers around the world that nurse their babies with a lot less than I am blessed with everyday. That being said, I KNOW I can do this! But I may need a ton of support!

I will continue reading about Jen's first month and get back to more details with you all later but I just wanted to share a little bit of my own feelings while starting this book!

Have a happy Sunday!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

So, here it is Saturday and I have not gotten my book yet. With two kiddos and a baby, it makes it really hard to want to just "run" anywhere. So I have my mom on the job to get the book for me. I'm hoping I can get it by the end of the weekend!

What makes me nervous the most about this upcoming adventure would have to be involving the children. Anyone with kids knows how hard it can be to get them to do anything that they might not like doing. The ages of my kids, five and three (baby doesn't count,) makes it even harder for them to understand any kind of change.

Even though there will be these challenges, I think that's what excites me most! My husband always says something like, "If its not hard, its not worth doing." Which always reminds me, again, how right he is! 

Let me back up for a second. The reason this whole idea has hit home so much, because for the last two or so years we have been trying to sell our home. For these last years, we have collected many new items and stored old items for the "new" house that we are anticipating. This has created a lot of issues for us. One, we have put all our hope in getting a new house that we have intensely focused on it, ignoring other things. Two, we have invested in a huge storage unit costing us $100 a month! We have banked so much into the idea of having "more" house that we have put aside being thankful for this wonderfully warm house we already have. This has created a lot of stress and pressure on myself. I wanted a bigger house so badly for us! I've prayed and prayed over it. Then things started happening that has opened my eyes to the fact that it is just not in God's time yet.

The first thing to happen to us was back in February. My husband had an unexpected seizure in front of our girls and a 6 month pregnant, me. It was a horrifying experience that led to the absence of his job for a total of 5 months. It took all of our savings and more to stay a float during that time. Thankfully, our church family was very supportive and encouraging to us! During that time we also had baby number three! Talk about stress!

So here we are, late October, and our realtor calls to give us more bad news. Our house has had no new "hits" in over ten days and she thinks it would be best to take the house off the market through the holidays and early spring. Since I have been praying to God about what to do, I felt like that was a clear sign from Him to listen and take our house off the market.

I feel very defeated but at the same time I feel relief. I want to listen to God's timing and follow His plan, so I know this is the right choice. I am listening and am going to be obedient!

Now we have to deal with the storage unit and all our excess stuff that we were going to take with us when we move. I do not want to keep paying this fee for things we might not even use for an other year or however long it takes to move! So my options are to sell all the things we have, or I can find good homes to those who need them more than we. I have chosen the latter. And let me tell you, its addictive!! So far we have gotten rid of our queen size bed frame, which has created a lot more room in the bedroom! Plus I have given away a baby swing we had no room for and have donated a ton of clothes! Its taking some time to organize and find people who are in need but I am loving it! No more stress of a garage sale (pricing, storing, taking time to sit outside, wait for people to come, and trying to deal with the kids at the same time.) I am loving it! Yes, we may need the extra money but a few hundred dollars will be gone so fast that we won't even remember where it went! Whereas giving away everything contains a much greater joy that I won't soon forget! I encourage you all to try it and see how much better you feel!

That leads me to where I am at today. I have realized just how truly blessed I am to having a warm house with all my children and loving husband in it! I know that our love will carry on, whatever our monetary circumstance may be. I am starting to realize its truly not things that make me happy at the end of the day. This is why I am so excited to challenge me and my family!

Thanks for reading, today's post was a little long!


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Hello!! Welcome to my blog! This is my first time blogging but I look forward to letting you all in on a bit of my life! I am starting this blog because I feel the need to share my story with others for encouragement. Also, I am about to dive into a new book called, "Seven" by Jen Hatmaker and would love to include you all on my journey!

A little bit about myself. I am a younger mother of three, I have a 5 year old girl, (almost) 3 year old girl, and a new baby boy of just 3 and a half months! Today is my husband and I's four year anniversary and I love every minute of my life with him! We are devoted young Christians trying to live a Godly life and try to spend each day thankful for the blessings God has given us! I'm sure you all will get to know me a lot more through this blog and hope that I get to know some of you too!

Like I said, I will be starting a new book, Seven, as soon as I get my copy! I encourage you to look up the book and take a look at what is all about! I hope that you can also take a leap of faith and join me! The book looks at the areas in our life that has excess. Her seven areas are: Food. Clothes. Spending. Media. Possessions. Waste. Stress. She spends thirty days focusing on one area at a time and shedding the excess out of her life!

Click Here to check out the book!!

I heard about the book in my bible study class and it really hit home for me. I really would love to challenge myself and my faith by following this book. I think it will be interesting to see what excess things are in my life and what I might be able to live without. I'm hoping it will be an eye opener for my family and we learn many things from it.

So that's it! That is why I am here! Please follow along with me as my family and I take this leap!