I had a dream last night that put a little spark on my heart this morning. The dream wasn't really important so much as how the dream made me feel. It took me back to high school days. Not that I particularly had a difficult high school experience but the way I felt in high school was horrible most of the time. It wasn't until I met my husband I knew why.
When I met my husband, we fell in love almost instantly (although we were very stubborn to admit it at the time!) From that moment on, I knew I would give that man my whole heart. Little did I know, he would give me his as well.
Sorry, I don't mean to get all mushy on you so suddenly but he was honestly the first person to ever love me the way he does. He was the first person to choose to love me through all my faults and failures. He chooses everyday to stand by my side and lift me up with unconditional love and support.
This is something I never felt in high school. I was always depressed on some sort of level and never really understood my purpose in life. I have always felt this way since I can remember. After the death of a close friend freshman year, I even tried to take my own life.
Actually, I tried to take my life again shortly after that. They had loaded me up on "happy" pills to correct my dis-functioning brain, so the bottle of prescription pills were so readily available to me. At that moment, I took a second to pray. I asked for Jesus to help me and give me a clear sign on what to do. I had always been a "fan" of Christ Jesus but let me tell you, this was the day Christ changed my life. I could NOT get that pill bottle open! It was a simple child-proof top just like any other, but greater forces beyond me was stopping my hand from opening that bottle! I told the Lord that day, that second, that I would follow Him the rest of my days and I would never try to take my life again.
It wasn't an easy task after that. I switched to a Lutheran school and tried to fit in. Looking back now, I don't think I ever really did. On top of that I had gotten involved in bad relationships that seemed to be on repeat. Although I never tried to commit suicide again, I thought of it often. I could never shake the feeling that I had no purpose. Until I met my husband.
We met the summer of my graduation and within months I was pregnant with our first baby girl. Although this is a story in itself, I'm not going into any more detail about that now. A few weeks after my 19th birthday, I became a mommy! Between the love of my husband and that baby girl, I have found my purpose!
It's so funny how God puts people in your life when you least expect it. I never knew I could be loved like that until my husband and now, even more, loved like that from God! It is truly the most perfect feeling; a sense of being complete. That is why I dedicate my life to sharing the gospel of the Lord because it is truly through Jesus in which I was saved. I will keep serving Him with my life, as I will my husband.